In the complexities of human relationships, conflict is inevitable. It’s natural to feel hurt or wronged at times, but what often follows is a dangerous tendency to focus exclusively on those negative experiences. We zero in on how someone has let us down, angered us, or disappointed us, and in that moment, we allow those feelings to overshadow all of the good they’ve done for us. We dwell on their faults and flaws, elevating their wrongs while forgetting their kindnesses and virtues.

This imbalance in perspective often has a deeper impact than we realize. By focusing entirely on the bad, we slowly train ourselves to become ungrateful, both in our relationships with others and in our relationship with God.

Victim mentality

When we’re hurt, it’s easy to adopt a victim mentality, where we view ourselves as being entirely justified and the other person as being entirely in the wrong. We recite a list of their offenses in our heads, replaying the moments they failed us. But rarely in these moments do we stop to consider the times they were kind, generous, or supportive. The result? We paint a distorted picture of who they are based on a singular or isolated series of events.

This behavior doesn’t only affect our personal relationships. It can also be seen in our spiritual life. How often do we question God when something goes wrong? How often do we focus on what we don’t have, while failing to recognize the abundant blessings we’ve already received?

Ingratitude in Our Relationship with God

Many of us fall into the habit of only turning to God when things don’t go our way. We question why we haven’t received a promotion, why a relationship hasn’t worked out, or why we’re facing health issues. In our moments of frustration, we forget the times when God has come through for us. We overlook the blessings of health, life, joy, family, and provision, simply because we’re hyper-focused on what’s missing or what isn’t going according to our plan.

This mindset is perfectly captured in the story of the Israelites in the wilderness. Despite witnessing countless miracles—being freed from slavery, parting of the Red Sea, and manna from heaven—they still grumbled and questioned God’s goodness when things became difficult. They lost sight of all the ways God had blessed and protected them, focusing instead on their temporary discomfort.

In the same way, we often behave like the Israelites, allowing short-term challenges or unmet expectations to cloud our gratitude for God’s consistent faithfulness.

A Biblical Call to Gratitude

Scripture continually reminds us of the importance of gratitude, not only in our relationships with others but also in our relationship with God. In 1 Thessalonians 5:18, we are commanded: “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” This verse challenges us to adopt a mindset of constant gratitude, regardless of the situation. It reminds us that, even when things are difficult, there is always something to be thankful for.

By focusing on what we are grateful for, we shift our perspective away from the negatives and toward the positives. This doesn’t mean we ignore wrongs or pretend they don’t exist, but it does mean that we approach them with a balanced perspective. We acknowledge the good, even when we feel hurt or disappointed, because gratitude is the key to a healthier, more fulfilling life.

Breaking the Cycle: Gratitude in Relationships

The same principles apply to our relationships with others. If we are to live a life of balance and fulfillment, we must stop magnifying the faults of others and learn to appreciate their strengths. This is not to say we excuse bad behavior, but we approach it with fairness. We see the full picture of who someone is, not just their wrongs. By doing so, we open the door to forgiveness, reconciliation, and deeper connection.

It takes humility and grace to recognize that no one is perfect. We all have our flaws, and just as we would want others to extend grace to us, we should do the same for them. This balanced approach allows us to navigate conflicts in a way that fosters growth and healing, rather than resentment and division.

Choosing Gratitude Over Resentment

In both our spiritual life and our relationships, gratitude is a powerful tool. It allows us to rise above the temptation to dwell on negatives and instead focus on the positives. Gratitude fosters connection, healing, and peace, both with God and with the people around us.

So, the next time you find yourself focusing on someone’s wrongs, stop and reflect on their rights. The next time you feel frustration with your circumstances, stop and count your blessings. In doing so, you’ll find that your heart softens, your perspective broadens, and your life becomes richer.

Let us strive to be people who give thanks in all circumstances and who are slow to elevate wrongs over rights. In our journey through life, may we walk in gratitude, for it is through a thankful heart that we experience the fullness of God’s grace and love.